Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
