honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
