I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
