I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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