Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
