ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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