mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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