tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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