I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
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Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
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It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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