I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
