I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
