How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
