I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
