I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
