I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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