I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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