there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
