I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
