my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He passed out mid-signature
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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