need another drink. this is the easiest way
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
