I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
