dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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