i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Randomize
