i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Someone shattered a urinal.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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