i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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