I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
