winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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