i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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