What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My breath smells like gin and sadness
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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