I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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