Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
