We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
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He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
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Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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