When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
