He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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