I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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