So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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