yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
