can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
