You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
