you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
