My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
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Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
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Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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