note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You have to summon your inner elephant
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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