i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
