i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
