Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
