i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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