the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
