It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
