R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
