So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
