I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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