Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
