is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
