Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
