Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
