we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
