You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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