I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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