You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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