So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
