One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
