My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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