Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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