On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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