just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
