You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
