I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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