and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
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