Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
