This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
